THANK YOU "X" FOR PLANTING THE SEED IN 2001 THAT HAS NOT BEGAN BLOOMING TILL 2008 U WAS THERE FOR ME AND SHOWED ME THAT ONE DAY AT A TIME I DONT HAVE TO DRINK OR DRUG EVER AGAIN ONE DAY AT A TIME FOR THAT I AM TRULLY GRATEFUL XAVIER YOU WAS ALWAYS LOVING KIND COMPATIONANT AND ALWAYS WILLING TO SIT DOWN WITH THE NEW COMER AND LISTEN THERE WAS ALOT OF OCCASIONS WHERE I JUST NEEDED TO VENT AND U LISTEND AND THEN YOU TOLD ME THE SOLUTION AND THAT WAS TRUST GOD CLEAN HOUSE AND HELP SOMONE THANK YOU YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEBERD....
I will never forget the first time I met Xavier. He came to the Hope Center from the Healing Place in Louisville to train our staff in Recovery Dynamics. He wore those this glasses that always set on the end of his nose. He never cracked a smile, but was stern in his lecturing day in and day out. We trained with him for almost 3 weeks, constantly listening to him speak about how to help the recovering alcoholic and/or addict. Finally, after about two weeks, I had all I could stand. I got on the internet ti find something funny about recovery that would make him smile a little. I found the 12 Steps ti Insanity that I still use today in my life skills class on Emotions. It is just a silly little diversion from the reality of this cruel disease. I took it in the next morning, and handed it to Xavier. He looked at it, and then glared up at me over those glasses. He said, "What are you doing? Making fun of the 12 Steps." I simply looked right back at thise big eyes of his and smiled. I said, "Yes!" and batted my eyes a little. That is the first time I saw his precious smile, and I will always remember that look. After that, we smiled a lot together. My heart still bleeds for his loss, but I know he is here with us. I can even hear his voice from time to time, saying his favorite saying, "Let's all get on the same page."
I remember the day I met Xavier. I went to a meeting and he was there setting up. It was a sunday. I remarked to him that he looked nice in the suit he was wearing. I was having trouble with my pickup. I had a plum colored Isuzu Pup Pickup. I needed a new starter put on it. He gave me a card with his phone number on it, and told me that when I was ready, give him a call, cause he knew a really good mechanic. *smiles* He was talking about himself.
I ended up going to his bible class with him. We talked for a really long time in front of where he was living, the 3 quarter house. He got ready to get out of the truck, and I went to give him a hug, when he kissed me suddenly.
You know I would sit in on some of the classes he would teach Motivation Track clients on powerlessness. He would tell them about how powerless he was. He would say this to them: I'm powerless over that first drug... that first drink... that first... juicy piece... of gossip... but to show you how powerless I am, the last time I had a first kiss, I married her.
It was that way the entire time we were married. I would sit in on a class and fall in love with him all over again. When I knew he was going to pick up the phone, I would get butterflies in my stomach. And when I knew he would be home soon, same butterflies.
Not many people saw his sense of humor. But i can promise you he had one. And it would come out in the strangest of times. One time I was in the tub taking a hot bath. He whipped the curtain open and looked at me all crazy like and say "Sarah Conor?" Of course I had no idea that he was pretending to be the Terminator. *smiles* So he shot me with his make believe gun. Then he whipped the curtain shut. It was so funny!! He did that 2 more times... The last time, he whipped the curtain open, and he had got the extention wand for the vacume cleaner and held it like it was a machine gun and pretended to shoot me. He was so funny!!!
Some of the things I'll miss the most, are our morning coffee. He would sit on the side of the bed and be meditating. I'd bring him his first cup of the day, and I'd sit next to him with my legs over his lap and would wrap my arms around his neck. He would kiss my cheek and rock me gently.
I will miss his hugs. He was never to busy to give me a hug & kiss. He never left the house without giving me a hug and a kiss goodbye, before he left to go to work. I will miss his gentle hands.
No matter what he was doing if I needed him, he would drop what he was doing, and come to me. Like the couple times I locked myself out of the car and the couple of times I locked myself out of the house.
He always made sure my car was running in top condition.
He was my mechanic, my carpentor, my handyman, my fellow addict, my sounding board, my husband, lover and friend.
I could never begin to tell all the things I miss the most. Except that I miss him.
Mrs. Xavier Ballard
